Iggy

Before I start on this blog I want to say something.

My cat, Iggy, died in 2017 during winter. I had known him all my life. The morning he died I was petting him crying. Overnight his soul had really left his body. I had told him I wanted to be there when he died. His body was hanging on to life. That morning my parents came up and got me and told me Iggy was still alive but was like a shell of what he once was. I begged them to let me say goodbye. They, with much arguing, let me. My mother took me down and showed me my beloved cat. He was cold and his eyes were glazed. I couldn’t believe this was the adorable playful Iggy I had grown to love more than many things. Tears had begun to run down my face. I felt hollow inside. Every now and then he would take a gasping breath. I asked my mother if she could leave me with him, and she left with a hug and kiss. I leaned my head down asking for forgiveness for ignoring him and pushing him away. My tears soaked his dirty fur. His heartbeat was faint and I told him it was okay. He could leave. He didn’t need to wait. I don’t know when he left but when I checked for his heartbeat again, it was gone. I ran upstairs telling my parents Iggy had just died. I broke that day.

I don’t think I recovered from that. My first friend had just died in my arms. I don’t think I’m still fully recovered. Recovering from something like that is like building a bridge. It takes a while and even after that the hole is built over. Even having Percy doesn’t quite fill the void that was made after my cat died.

My parents let me stay home from school and asked if I wanted to come to cremate Iggy. I shook my head. That wasn’t Iggy. That was his shell. I brought down one of my baby blankets to be burned with him. My parents let Sam sniff Iggy for him to realize Iggy was gone. Even Sam couldn’t find a good reason to wag his tail that day. I went on my email to tell my friends what happened. They made me laugh. My parents sent my brother to school and let me stay. I cried and cried. I felt as if my organs had been ripped from me. The pain wasn’t the problem, but the emptiness. I couldn’t imagine life without him. I regretted each time I pushed him away. Each time I had ignored his meows for food. Each time I got mad at him for going to the bathroom out of his litter box. I wanted to hear his annoying meows again to wake me up. It hit me then. I would never hear him. I would never see him. I would never pet him.

I’m writing this and I feel like crying. Dang it. Now I am.

I will love Iggy forever. A wise person once said “Grief is just love with no where to go.” I felt that. All the love I had for Iggy was trapped inside until it hurt. I loved my family so much closer. I wanted to be near them. Regretting not going with them to the store. What if that was the last time I saw them? I would regret and hate myself again. I hated myself for pushing Iggy away. What would it be like if I didn’t say “I love you” to my parents before they left and then they never returned? What if, What if, What if? I asked myself these questions all day. I wanted to refuse all food, wanting to just lay there, tears staining my sheets.

There are days where I still want to do that. Usually days where Iggy would be sunning himself, The sun glinting off his fur, his green eyes staring at you.

The thing about grief is that it feels as if you’re drowning in sorrow. I’m sure if my family knew I was writing this, they would’ve taken me to the hospitable. I don’t blame them. I promise you Imma and Abba, I no longer feel this way about anything. I was broken after my cat died, he really was like an older brother. I still miss him, but instead of focusing on the bad things I focus on the good memories of him. Like the memory of me picking him up so much he hissed at me. Ah… Good times.

I’m serious. If anyone starts feeling they way this blog made you feel, get help. Talk to your family. Get a therapist. These thoughts can turn dark and and lead to depression. Anyone if you see a person that is smiling but doesn’t look okay or has a history of being depressed and you see it again, talk to them. Help them. They may not always reach out. So please reach out for them. Talk to them, hang out with them. As I was writing this blog I was shocked I didn’t reach out.

Love,

Dreamywritercom

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Lifetime

Lifetimes roll by

like waves in the sea

Lifetimes sing in your ear

Like a choir singing right here

Lifetimes are rolling ever closer

Singing the song made especially for you

Just look out you’re window to see it

It’s like snow falling ever so slowly

Lifetimes aren’t rolling quickly

Every roll is another obstacle

Just for you to jump over

Each obstacle getting bigger

Until

Lifetimes end with you…

Racism is NOT okay!

I have this friend in my school. (For her protection I’m not going to say her name, but we’ll call her Rachel). Rachel is a very proud Mexican American. And she should be! Mexican and other heritages are VERY important. So why do people tease others on it? As I was pondering this, I remembered a conversation I once had with Rachel. She told me she had experienced racism. Sadly, I was not surprised. She is clearly half Mexican, so it was obvious that she had or will experience racism in her lifetime. As sad as it is to think about that, it’s the truth. it’s not like Rachel is mean or anything at all, in fact she’s a wonderful friend and I love seeing her and talking to her. Today I asked her a question about Spanish because she’s fluent in it (I think, I’ve seen her talk in rapid Spanish but I’m not sure.) and she answered patiently. But (back to the topic) now the facts. When did racism first appear? People began seeing it around the Slavery times. Sadly racism fell onto different definitions as of the 2000s. I mean racism is all over the place (sadly) and I’ve seen it put on Rachel. Needless to say I lost my temper. I hate a lot of bad things. But one of the things I hate most is to see someone put down my friends. It makes my blood boil.

A really good quote by Larry Holmes says what I’ve been wondering. He says that “I didn’t fight this fight for the blacks, the whites, or the Spanish. I fought the fight for the people. We’re all G-d’s children. I don’t see color…” (that’s not all of the quote. I’m sorry if anything in this blog accidentally offends anyone.) My question is why can we see other human being as a species, not a color, religion, and so much more.

I’m sick of seeing hate. I’m sick of seeing fear. And I’m sick of seeing RACISM! The only way we’re going to stamp this out is if we work together. So the people that are racist, get your brains off the ground and turn your heart back from stone and help us!

Leave a like or comment explaining your feeling on something like this!

Dreamywritercom

You deserve Love and You’ll get it.

By Amy Poehler

Fasts And reviews (SPOILER ALERT)

So just on Sunday I had to fast… religious reasons. Anyway during to the fast we also had to be sad so my mom and I watched sad movies. But only until like one in the afternoon. Anyway I watched some pretty sad movies. And I told my mom no Holocaust movies. (If you are one of those people that believe it didn’t happen, please leave my blog. It did happen… it’s in the history books!) And what am I doing? I’m writing a review!

  1. After the rain-  What could be better about a guy who gets cancer and leaves behind his mother and girlfriend right? And even better it’s based off a true story! That was sarcasm all the way. But this movie has truth behind it. That kind of movie is sad but I’m glad they exist, other wise those people would die and eventually no one would remember them. Also I’m sooooo (spoiler alert!!!!!) glad he didn’t burn the pictures like he said he did! So on a one to five on the depressing movie scale I give it a four!
  2. The Fault in our stars- two teenagers both with terminal cancer fall in love. Sweet story. But not a true story. Hazel thinks she’s going to die but (spoiler alert!!!!!) then Gus dies before her.  After he dies her dad sits her down and says that how she feels when Gus dies is what they’re going to feel like when Hazel dies. (she’s going to die because she has stage four lung cancer.) They’ll feel sad, but the only reason they’re just trying to keep her alive longer is because it was an honor to see her and meet her while she was alive. (my mom pointed this out) She also pointed out that why Hazel hate the author dude is because she’s worried that will happen to her parents, that they’ll just fall apart. That also might be why she’s so insistent on what happens at the end of the book. But the author doesn’t know, because he’s just to heartbroken (The book was made for his daughter who died.) So on the scale I give it a full five!
  3. The age of Adaline- I’ll try not to spoil it too much, but if you’ve never seen this movie I seriously recomend it!!!! ( Sorry for any misspells.) It’s happy but has sad parts in it. At least it has a happy ending.  It’s about this woman who suddenly stops aging. By the time she does (spoiler alert!!!!! Sorry!) dies she’s 107. But don’t worry the story doesn’t end there. Also I’ve never seen a grown woman so happy to find a gray hair.  On the scale I give it a six! But it’s not that depressing, so the scale is wonky to begin with.

Thank you!

Dreamywritercom

Stop hating yourself for everything you aren’t and start loving yourself for everything you are -Recoveryexperts.com