Only read if 10+

So… I have the same CREEPY dream. I would think it’s creepy anyways.

Just to make sure…

Anyone who has the name in this dream, Please do not be offended… I don’t have anything against the names… these are the names that happen to be there…

This is a reoccurring nightmare I continue to have EVERY night…
*enter dream sequence sound*
So, I’m fifteen and I have a neighbor that is a college kid. She lives to the right of my house. We’re super close and her name is Jessica. She also is a biker and her road name is Yellowfang (Yes… I know. Warrior Cats)

Anyways, it’s eleven or ten when the dream starts. I’m hanging over at her house and my parents are asleep. I have my backpack that I had in third grade. It’s black with spiky things on it. Pretty dark out. It’s around twilight (not the movie…*tjeaacmbo!*)

So I’m climbing over my fence and there’s this van parked in front of her house. I have only one leg over the fence. The window rolls down and there’s this super creepy dude poking his bald head out. His eyelids are red and he’s skinny. He looks like he does every kind of drug imaginable. His name is Tyler. (I don’t know how I knew this in the dream… I just do.)

Anyways… he’s ultra-creepy. He like, beckons me over with his head and I pull my leg back and start to back towards my house. My eyes are glued and I’m shaking my head. He gets out and starts walking towards me, slowly. My backpack is over my shoulder and my door is locked. Tyler is walking closer to me, getting faster. I start to run towards my door and my backpack falls off my shoulder onto the ground.

I’m just standing there like a freaking idiot and staring at it, trying to figure out if I should pick it up or not.

During this entire thing I’m not yelling for help or anything. No… I’m silent.

So, Tyler grabs my arm and pull me towards him. His voice is super raspy and he whispers that I need to help him find his phone. He starts to pull me into his van and-

I wake up.

I’ve had this nightmare every night. Really creeped out.

I know that certain dreams can mean things in real life.
So if you know what this means, please tell me. Cause I’m scared just writing this.

Tyler haunts me whenever I’m alone. If I’m in a room alone he’s behind me whispering in my ear again and again…

Advertisements

My BIRTHDAY!

So… this is late… But a little more than a month ago I had my birthday! So… officially I am a year older. Yay?

 

 

So… getting older… It’s a weird thing. I think it mainly appears on perspective. For some people it’s this terrible thing, for others it’s part of life, and for other people (like Adeline. If you don’t know Age Of Adeline YOU MUST SEE IT! IT’S AMAZING!) it’s beautiful and natural.

 

It’s not like I gained more knowledge as I became older or anything, but…. I think it’s a part of life. Unless someone magically (or scientifically) finds a way to slow down aging… I would probably take it. And no. It’s not that I want to remain young and pretty (I honestly don’t think myself “pretty”) it would be so I don’t miss the whole “flying cars” thing and the rest that the future holds.

Think about it… how awesome would it be to have been alive since like… horses and buggies to flying cars or teleportation! That would be EPIC!

 

But back to the original topic… Aging. (I suppose I could make a “Let’s Talk” about this… But I’m not going to because I’m lazy! XD) It can be a sensitive topic. But everything just leads back to the same thing. The fear, or not fear, of getting old. My question is (post your answer in the comments) why are people so scared of getting old? If not, why would they be scared? What is so beautiful about aging, or staying young?

Seriously, I have NO idea…

Looking

Look within the spirit inside

It hides and doesn’t want to hide

But we search for everything we do

Knowing what we are but not who

I could go looking

Outside my home

Or perhaps I could go looking inside of Rome

Or maybe outside quiet in there

Sometimes we need to do what we don’t want to

So we might be looking in the wrong place

We shouldn’t be looking outside our homes

We shouldn’t be looking neither in Rome

We should be looking quite more deeper

We should be looking more inside

We  should be looking at our family

we should be looking at our culture

We should be looking inside our home

It doesn’t matter our goal

We should be looking where we come from

We should be looking at ourselves

Not the blame we place on someone

Not the hate we pin on each other

Not the discrimination we places on races

Not the stereotypes we lay on Culture

We should be looking inside

For who we are

And who we will become!

Where Am I Going

Where am I going from here?

My voice rings out

Echoing in the night

Where do I go from here?

The mind is spinning

With unanswered questions

Where do I go from here?

Do I go left?

To certain death?

Do I go right?

And begin to write?

Do I go up?

Climbing and pushing the bar too high?

Do I go down?

Not a likely choice.

Where do I go from here?

I could go anywhere.

But do I?

Do I leave behind what I know?

Do I leave behind and don’t see how I’ve grown,

Tell me what I should do.

No, this is my choice

Where do I go from here?

Iggy

Before I start on this blog I want to say something.

My cat, Iggy, died in 2017 during winter. I had known him all my life. The morning he died I was petting him crying. Overnight his soul had really left his body. I had told him I wanted to be there when he died. His body was hanging on to life. That morning my parents came up and got me and told me Iggy was still alive but was like a shell of what he once was. I begged them to let me say goodbye. They, with much arguing, let me. My mother took me down and showed me my beloved cat. He was cold and his eyes were glazed. I couldn’t believe this was the adorable playful Iggy I had grown to love more than many things. Tears had begun to run down my face. I felt hollow inside. Every now and then he would take a gasping breath. I asked my mother if she could leave me with him, and she left with a hug and kiss. I leaned my head down asking for forgiveness for ignoring him and pushing him away. My tears soaked his dirty fur. His heartbeat was faint and I told him it was okay. He could leave. He didn’t need to wait. I don’t know when he left but when I checked for his heartbeat again, it was gone. I ran upstairs telling my parents Iggy had just died. I broke that day.

I don’t think I recovered from that. My first friend had just died in my arms. I don’t think I’m still fully recovered. Recovering from something like that is like building a bridge. It takes a while and even after that the hole is built over. Even having Percy doesn’t quite fill the void that was made after my cat died.

My parents let me stay home from school and asked if I wanted to come to cremate Iggy. I shook my head. That wasn’t Iggy. That was his shell. I brought down one of my baby blankets to be burned with him. My parents let Sam sniff Iggy for him to realize Iggy was gone. Even Sam couldn’t find a good reason to wag his tail that day. I went on my email to tell my friends what happened. They made me laugh. My parents sent my brother to school and let me stay. I cried and cried. I felt as if my organs had been ripped from me. The pain wasn’t the problem, but the emptiness. I couldn’t imagine life without him. I regretted each time I pushed him away. Each time I had ignored his meows for food. Each time I got mad at him for going to the bathroom out of his litter box. I wanted to hear his annoying meows again to wake me up. It hit me then. I would never hear him. I would never see him. I would never pet him.

I’m writing this and I feel like crying. Dang it. Now I am.

I will love Iggy forever. A wise person once said “Grief is just love with no where to go.” I felt that. All the love I had for Iggy was trapped inside until it hurt. I loved my family so much closer. I wanted to be near them. Regretting not going with them to the store. What if that was the last time I saw them? I would regret and hate myself again. I hated myself for pushing Iggy away. What would it be like if I didn’t say “I love you” to my parents before they left and then they never returned? What if, What if, What if? I asked myself these questions all day. I wanted to refuse all food, wanting to just lay there, tears staining my sheets.

There are days where I still want to do that. Usually days where Iggy would be sunning himself, The sun glinting off his fur, his green eyes staring at you.

The thing about grief is that it feels as if you’re drowning in sorrow. I’m sure if my family knew I was writing this, they would’ve taken me to the hospitable. I don’t blame them. I promise you Imma and Abba, I no longer feel this way about anything. I was broken after my cat died, he really was like an older brother. I still miss him, but instead of focusing on the bad things I focus on the good memories of him. Like the memory of me picking him up so much he hissed at me. Ah… Good times.

I’m serious. If anyone starts feeling they way this blog made you feel, get help. Talk to your family. Get a therapist. These thoughts can turn dark and and lead to depression. Anyone if you see a person that is smiling but doesn’t look okay or has a history of being depressed and you see it again, talk to them. Help them. They may not always reach out. So please reach out for them. Talk to them, hang out with them. As I was writing this blog I was shocked I didn’t reach out.

Love,

Dreamywritercom

Listen

Sit on my lap dear child

Look there

Do you see them

No grandfather, I don’t see them

Look closer child

They were promised a new life

One that they would be happy

So there they stood

Along the edge of the water

Waiting and waiting for a ship never to come

Delight and happiness they called the ship

Yet years went by

Delight and happiness never arrived

And look again dear child, they’re still there

Waiting

What does that teach you

To stand for something you believe in

No, good but no. Never lose hope child

Did you listen?

Lifetime

Lifetimes roll by

like waves in the sea

Lifetimes sing in your ear

Like a choir singing right here

Lifetimes are rolling ever closer

Singing the song made especially for you

Just look out you’re window to see it

It’s like snow falling ever so slowly

Lifetimes aren’t rolling quickly

Every roll is another obstacle

Just for you to jump over

Each obstacle getting bigger

Until

Lifetimes end with you…